Why oh why

Last Friday night my little man's dad came to get him as per usual, I gave the little man a hug & kiss and said have a great night and day. About 10 minutes later there was a knock at the door; my first thought was 'bloody marketers' but low and behold it was my little man with his dad. His dad said "he doesn't want to be with me so I'll see him next week." I must have looked dumbstruck as when we were together he always forced his children to see him on his weekends. I asked the little man if he was ok and why he didn't want to go to dads that night. He said "the other kids are there and don't want to go." He's three so I thought ok extra time for me on the weekend! Selfish I know but I'll take all the time I can.

Yesterday I thought I'd do the right thing and ask the ex what happened in the car so we could work on it together. Why oh why did I do that as I received an essay back saying everything I was doing wrong. I will give you a highlight from each paragraph.

 

• My farewell is a song and dance and clingy with hugs and kisses whilst his is quick and clean.
• Apparently it has happened before (never mentioned to me) and he didn't want to deal with it again. I give to many kisses which makes him not want to leave me as I'll be utterly miserable without him.
• Rare for me say goodbye once and then move away, apparently I hover and wave to the little man.
• The little man is always happy to see me at pick ups and not in tears (why this is my fault not sure).
• The ex has trouble engaging the little man in conversation, thinks his sullen & withdrawn. Ignores his new wife and the other five kids, again how is this my fault?
• I need to curtail my farewells reigning in my goodbyes so that the little man's head is in the "right" space and to enforce how good a time he'll have at his dads!
• Not allowed to empty the letterbox on the exes time as gives mixed messages to the little man??? A simple goodbye at the door and no hover in the future.
• Improve his self confidence so he doesn't cling to legs when he goes to school (two years away), and that separation is not a bad thing.
• The ex has an intolerance to his bad manners because he says 'I want' instead of 'may I please'.
• Appreciate my consideration on these points.

 

Why oh why did I ask the question???? I'd like to say that my little man is quite fine saying goodbye to me at daycare & kinder as well as any other time I might leave him. His manners are bloody good for a three year old and I'm sorry a mother is allowed to hug and kiss her child at goodbye and I don't hover at all I just show affection to my son. Yes I miss him when he's not with me and I tell him this occasionally, he now says 'I miss you mum'. I don't believe this is bad or detrimental to his development or impacts on him wanting to go to his dads house. As for ignoring your wife and kids who can blame him when there are five other kids there and by the sounds of it he is left to his own devices most of the time or dragged to their sporting events.

 

I could rant all night but won't. We went out for dinner tonight to Pinocchio's pizza and they had drawings around the restaurant. I hope my exes lies make his nose grow and to stop blaming me because he can't relate/deal with his son whilst in his care.