The Briars

It was the long weekend in June and the little man and I had been down the beach house and I thought we should do something different on our way home.   I decided to go and check out The Briars in Mt Martha as I have been going to the Mornington Peninsula since before I was born and have never been.  Plus they had pony rides and face painting as well.

We arrived to a beautiful and tranquil setting with wide open spaces, three different nature walks, a café, visitors centre and a restaurant further up the hill. 

We waited in line for the pony ride and when it was the little mans turn he decided he didn’t want to go on the ride so we wondered off to the old trolley that was there and he happily played on it for about 20 minutes. 

We then went into the visitors centre and had a look around it and read the history of the place – very interesting indeed.

We walked up the hill to the carriage that sits there and the little man received a leg up and played in this for about 15 minutes.  The perfect winter’s sun on the day made it all the more stunning.

After this he decided that he wanted to go on the pony ride after all so we went back down the hill to this area and he had short 5 minute pony ride on buttercup and thoroughly enjoyed himself.

It was a lovely detour for about 1 hour and will definitely go back as we didn’t do any of the walks and would love to take a picnic lunch there as well.

Aftermath of an Autumn park visit

The little man and I decided one sunny Autumn morning to go to the park for a break in the mundane routine.  He happily played with other ‘best friends’ he made and was having a ball running around and expending the energy that I wanted him too!  As park time was nearing an end he decided to go down the slide!!

I thought I had warned him not to as it had rained over night and the plastic slides were wet, but if I had he chose to ignore his mothers advice and down he went.  He came up to me and said “I got wet pants.”  I thought he had had a toilet accident but realised it was all on his bottom and not the front.  Slide accident to the max.  Time to leave and take off his pants in the car and travel home in his wet undies; luckily it is only about a 3 minute drive.

Too be young and carefree again……

Wet undies

look no pants and love my gumboots!

Karma Reversed??

Well here are the details of my car accident I mentioned the other day.

I did a favour for my previous place of employment and worked some additional hours as they thought they were going to be left high and dry when I left.  I organised my mum to come and look after the little man and do kinder drop off.  I worked for 5 hours and wanted to get home in time for the little man to arrive home from kinder.

Now this may have been my down fall but in reality I am calling it Karma reversed!!!  I did the right thing and said yes to the additional hours for work and then driving home I had the accident.  I say it is karma reversed as I would never have been on that road on that day if I had not said yes to working.

Driving along and I hear a horn beep; normally I wouldn’t look as I knew I hadn’t done anything to deserve it but for some reason I did and when I looked back the car in front had stopped suddenly and BAM! Up the back of them; no damage to the eye of their vehicle at all as he did have a tow ball fitted!!!

I'm not sure if it was the impact of the accident or the air bags going off as well but it made a hell of a lot of noise at the time.  I will say that the seatbelts in Kia’s work exceptionally well as I hardly moved.  The smell of the airbags was not as pleasant as I actually though there was a fire in the car as that is what the airbags once deployed smelt of.  Plus the horn kept going off randomly which was extremely annoying as I kept thinking someone was tooting me!!

Funny thing was that there was another accident that had occurred 30 minutes prior to mine in exactly the same spot!  The two guys were waiting for a tow truck and laughing at me as it was a mirror image of these.  They were annoyed though as their radiator was leaking fluid whereas mine only had a few dents in it.

Looking at my baby there was only panel damage, spider web crack on the windscreen and the airbags but it is taking FOREVER to get repaired and I think I will be lucky to have it back before the end of next month! (sad face)  I am currently driving my parents 1980’s land cruiser truck and hating it as it is so heavy, no automatic anything and no CD player let alone an input for my iPod!!!!  It is amazing how lazy we become even with our cars as I had auto lights, keyless entry, heated seats and the list goes on……  no such luck in this car!!!

Bring my baby back to me in the same shape as I purchased her 13 months ago with not many extra kms on the dial or further damage.  A girlfriend’s parents took their car to the same panel beater and they damaged the other side of their car whilst fixing it and didn’t mention it to them they noticed it and had a go at them.  Dodgy brothers indeed.

Head on



Poor car



The Truck!

Homemade gifts

Here is the little man painting some gifts for nanna for “Mothers Day.”  This just proves my point that I have been off the airwaves for a long time.

We made a coaster out of icy pole sticks and then he painted it.  The best part of this little project was that he got to eat an icy pole every night as we had to get the ‘perfect’ stick before adding it to our little pile. 

I realised after we had given the gift to mum that I should have sealed the paint either with a sealer or maybe even clear nail polish as I am sure the first time she puts an ice cold glass on it the paint will run or end up on the bottom of the said glass.

He then did some general and finger painting and on the finger/hand painting I wrote a poem on it after it was dry called My Handprint.  Unfortunately I don’t have an image of this as I did it the morning of and straight into the car and off we went. 

It is hanging at nanna’s house in the exact same spot where she used to hand my brothers and my artwork from kinder and school.  Good to see some old habits never die. 

Where has 2 months gone?

I just realised that I last posted on May 6!!  That is nearly two months ago.  So much has happened in-between drinks, no I mean posts! 

I had a car accident and still don’t have my baby back and I’m hoping it will be here before the end of July but not holding out much hope.  I will explain all in another post and pictures as well of the damage.

I have changed jobs and starting to settle into my new job share role with a girlfriend of mine.  We work a 5 day fortnight so one week I work 2 days and the following week 3 days.  Still trying to get my head around all the new processes and data but seem to be settling in quite well.  Again more in another post as I need to start writing again.

More issues with the little man’s father and that is doing my head in.  I’m lucky I have the will power to only have 1 glass of wine, when a bottle is open, and not the entire bottle at times!!!  A little teaser for you, the little man had gastro the other week and he vomited in his dad’s car on the way to his house.  When I arrived to get him the next afternoon waiting on the doorstep for me was the car seat, clothes and Pooh bear all soiled from the vomit the previous night.  What sort of parent and step parent doesn’t clean up vomit???  The mind boggles, well mine does anyway.

I’m starting a new exercise training program tomorrow and very excited about that as need to loose the baby weight from nearly 4 years ago.  Looking forward to doing something different and for me for a change and I have never seen or heard of this training method but results are meant to good.

Another girlfriend has just told her husband that they are over so trying to be  a shoulder for her and some advice of what to do and what to look out for.  I don’t have all if any answers for her but can only tell her about my experiences and I was never married!

Keep your eye out for some upcoming posts as I really want to get back into this as it is solace at times for my well being and a venting outlet as well.  Although I do try to not do this that often as no one wants to hear about my woes.

Feels good to be taping away at the keys again, hope you enjoy hearing from me again as well.

FOOTY

On Sunday we went off to see Carlton vs Melbourne at the iconic MCG.  Catching the train into Richmond station as much easier than driving and we haven’t been on a train in ages so that was a fun element for the little man.

At Richmond station we met up with my friend Bevan, also a Carlton supporter, and the little man was very excited to see him and couldn’t stop jumping on him and running around him like a headless chook.  Up to the G we walked all the while the little man talking about nothing of great importance but didn’t want the adults to exclude him.  Mind you he was very polite as every time he interrupted he said “excuse me Bevan” and then prattled on about nothing.

We got seats on the bottom stand and we could see Captain Carlton on the boundary line so Bevan wandered down there with the little man and the next thing I could see was Bevan taking a photo and the result is below

First off the little man was thirsty then he was hungry and didn’t want any of the food I had packed for him.  I offered hot chips which was met with a resounding yes and I’ll get them with Bevan you stay here scenario.  Off they went to purchase some hot chips and the game started. 

The little man was not overly interested but clapped with the crowd be it  for or against Carlton and at times even yelled out “go Carlton go” which seems to be his catch cry these days. 

By mid-way through the second quarter we had hit our limit.  It was a late starting game than normal 3.20pm instead of 2.40pm, so I was not surprised by his lack of enthusiasm and attention span of zero. I said we would leave at half time in a minute; mind you there were another 20 odd minutes to this time!  Naughty mum, for telling her son a little white lie so that she could stay and see more of the game.

Half time came and we said our farewells and walked back to the station for the train ride home.  After waiting in the biting wind on the station the train finally arrived 30 minutes later and we got on and sat near a couple in their 60s.  The little man proceeded to talk to them and then made the lady make all these animals from the newspaper!  There was an elephant, then a monster, a snail, a snake, a butterfly and finally a dinosaur.  Unfortunately I didn’t get any photos of these ‘creatures made from the newspaper’ but it did keep him entertained for the 25 minute ride home.  Got to love strangers – at times of course….

Good Read

I do enjoy a good biograph and have read some really interesting ones over the years.  I saw this at the library the other day and decided to give it a read as I love the TV show, even though I don’t have foxtel and haven’t seen an episode since a friend taped the wedding!!  Sad I know….

Anyway this was better than I thought it was going to be and mentions the OJ Simpson case a fair bit as she and her first husband were extremely close to OJ and his wife Nicole. 

I also have a lot of admiration for her and the way she and her ex-husband maintained a great and loving relationship even though they were no longer a couple and she had remarried.  All for the sake of their children and I guess the love they had for one another at another time in their lives.

It made me think about my situation and that I know I will never be able to show that kind of relationship to my son as his dad is not the forgiving type and is out there to ‘get me’ or belittle me at every corner.  I know this will never change which is a great disappointment for my son, but it comes down to the way his dad wants to behave towards me.  I wish for the little man’s sake we could have a better relationship ,unfortunately this will not occur as he is still bitter about his first ex-wife and they have been divorced for years!!!

It can’t be healthy to hold on to such resentment and to portray this onto the children involved as it doesn’t do them any good to have one parent bad mouthing the other on a constant basis.  It is not of my concern as I have enough things to concern myself about rather than worry about his attitude towards me; don’t get me wrong sometimes I am stressed and upset beyond belief with the things he says and does to me but I can’t change it and have to keep moving forward as hard as that road is at times.

I do applaud Kris Kardashian for the way she has lived her life for her children, especially in the earlier years not necessarily later in life and the train wreck of a TV show that kept us all coming back for more.

If at all possible have a pleasant relationship with your ex for the sake of your children’s wellbeing and health and to show them what a relationship should be like.  After all it is all about the child and not about the parents.                                                     

Dutch Day

Last Tuesday at the little man’s day care they had to wear something orange to celebrate the Dutch Queen’s birthday.  I’m guessing there must be a few Dutch children in the centre for this to occur as seemed a bit odd to be but hey we have one orange t-shirt so that went on over the top of a white long sleeve t-shirt top. 

When I picked him up he was outside happily playing but was told by three staff members what a shocker of a day he’d had.  He had wet himself three times, very odd as he has been toilet trained for a while now and very out of character for him but he seemed happy so had a little word to him about not doing it in future.

Whilst getting his belongings’ together and the numerous bags of wet clothing I had to take home and launder he pulled out a crown he had made in honour of the Queen’s birthday.  He promptly placed this on his head and bowed to me!! So cute!!  I then had to bow to him and say “happy birthday to you Queen.”  He then told me about his day on the way to the car and that he had also been bitten by one of the other girls on his hand – got to love the full impression of all teeth on your child’s hand.

As he had enjoyed his day so much he was lucky enough to have a banana ice cream for dessert, not a reward for the toilet wetting I assure you!

Here he is with his crown on and the ice cream.

Scooter park

On Sunday we met up with a mum and her daughter from mothers group and the kids had a scooter around the council car park as the skate park was occupied with two 6 year olds ‘things’ I didn’t realise 6 year olds were meant to know how to do on a skateboard!!  Ignorant I know….

We then heading to the park for a bit where they climbed over everything swung on the swings and slid down the slide.  We then realised the little kids had gone so it was our time to hit the skate bowl and see their scootering skills. It was very cute to watch as they both just went around and around the bottom with little rides up the incline, but hey they enjoyed it and that is all as a parent you can ask for.

Then as the weather seemed to get colder by the second we decided it was time to go home.  On the way out of the park this is the image we as mums were looking at.

Two beautiful children holding hands as they chatted on the walk home.  Too cute for words and melts your heart.

Family time

Sorry I have been off the blog for a bit lately and not really sure why?  I had made a pack with myself that I was going to write at least weekly and I was doing ok for a while there and then off the bandwagon I fell!!!

We have had my brother and his family over from Perth so that has been great for me and the little man to spend some time with my three nephews as well as brother and sister in law.  The little man was on the phone the other weekend to my aunt and he said to her “my brothers and cousins are coming to visit me”, they are his cousins but he refers to them as his brothers even though they aren’t.  He doesn’t even refer to his half siblings as siblings at all?!?!

 
When they arrived on Saturday night he was so excited to see them all he was squealing with delight and then I had to put him back to bed!  All went well though and the next morning there was lots of chatter amongst them all.  My eldest nephew is 12, then 10 and 4 so there is a big age gap with the older two and only 14 months between the youngest and the little man.

We got a photo of them all on the couch and they are a pretty spunky lot of boys – biased I know…..

We then had dinner with them last Thursday night and the little man was a bit feral as he’d been at his dad’s all day and over tired as well as getting dropped off 37 minutes late which all added up.  Anyway we all survived dinner and the younger two were lucky enough to score a smartie cookie for dessert.

I missed the cutest image but I wouldn’t have shown up in a photo of the two cheeky monkeys above shaking their tail feathers to the music playing in the café!  We were all in hysterics and they thought they were pretty good getting all the attention from us. 

I couldn’t ask for a better family and neither could the little man as they all get along so well considering three of them live on the other side of the country.

Werribee Zoo

The other day during the school holidays, well kinder in our case, we decided to go to the Werribee Zoo for the morning with a couple of mum’s from mother’s group.  As a friend of the Zoo we didn’t have to pay and we were driven there as well so no complaints from me at all for the cheap day out!!

We were on the first safari bus of the morning with four very excited children.  All hands inside whilst the doors were closed, seat belts secured and off we went for our 30 minute plus tour of the zoo.

First up were the camels.  Not much interest from the little man at all for them, for what reason I am unsure but they were being lazy and sitting down for the morning. 

Next we came across the Ostrich’s or Emu’s as he insisted on calling them.  There was a daddy ostrich guarding a lonely egg on the side of the road and further along there were many more eggs beside the road.  The photo below looks like he is trying to feed the ostrich his pretzel, which he wasn’t but my photo skills are not great!

 We then went into the big paddocks where there were giraffes and rhino’s.  We were so close it was fantastic, well to the giraffes as the rhino’s were snoozing in the autumn sun.  There are quite a few male giraffes only at Werribee and they seemed extremely friendly coming quite close to the bus.

 On the home stretch we passed the lazy hippo’s basking in the sun as well.  It was then the end of the bus ride and on foot to find the lions as the boys were desperate to see them.  We found them after creeping quietly through the walkways and saw a lioness and a lion (no photos as they were too far away).

 

 We had a great day and will definitely go back again and if you decide to head out there, sit on the right hand side of the bus as you tend to see more animals on that side!!

Growing up too quickly

We had to call into the doctors the other day for an asthma plan for the little man as his kinder now require an original not a photocopy. Whilst we were there he decided to jump on the scales so the doctor weighed him and said “20 kilos.” I said to him “well he has put on 1.5kg since January this year.”

We then went to Scienceworks on Sunday and they have the sport section where you can weigh and measure your height. I put him on the scales again and yes he was just over 20kg’s and then onto the height measure. I finally got him to stand still for a few seconds and measured him at 110cm.   Again since January this year he has grown 5cm!! No wonder all of his pants are too short that I purchased at the start of the year!

How quickly do your children grow and is mine a freak of nature for a 3 year old??

Below are some photos we took last night as he had ‘harry high pants’ and thought he was pretty funny!

Disaster avoided

I had to put the car in for its 15,000km service on Thursday last week. So to kill the time until it was ready we went across the road to Chadstone Shopping Centre for a bit of window shopping as well as purchasing. We hadn't been there long at all and I was wondering around Tiffany & Co, as I have a girlfriend’s 40th coming up, and had just given the little man a box of sultana's before entering the store. He was chatting away to me in the pram as normal when out of the blue he started screaming and I mean screaming.

I bent over him and said "what is the matter?" and he replied "it hurts." I'm thinking what hurts and why did you just throw the box of sultanas on the floor in this shop in particular!? I asked what was sore and he said his nose, still not understanding I said why is your nose sore and he said "I put a sultana up there as I didn't want it." By this stage the staff are looking down their noses at me and I'm thinking I have no car if I need to get to a hospital.

Outside in the couch area I get him to attempt to blow it out a few times with no success. All the while I'm saying why at the age of 3 did you decide to place something up your nose? Why my little man why???? A lady sitting nearby was laughing at my predicament (I don't blame her) and said there is a doctors surgery in the centre. We hot footed it towards the information counter to find out where when he says "I got it!!" He then shows me a sultana (of decent size) in his hand. He told me he did another big blow and it just came out!

Thank god it did as well as I was starting to envisage all sorts of scenarios not theleast the bad smell that would be coming from him as it broke down - ewwww

I texted my mum to tell her and she decided it was time to remind me of the time I swallowed a bobby pin! I told my brother and he told mum, she didn't believe me so off to the doctors for an x-ray and low and behold there it was in my tummy. Unfortunately for mum she had to wait for it to pass through me.....

Disaster was avoided by a few big blows of the nose, I think we were lucky this time and fingers crossed there is no next time.

Why oh why

Last Friday night my little man's dad came to get him as per usual, I gave the little man a hug & kiss and said have a great night and day. About 10 minutes later there was a knock at the door; my first thought was 'bloody marketers' but low and behold it was my little man with his dad. His dad said "he doesn't want to be with me so I'll see him next week." I must have looked dumbstruck as when we were together he always forced his children to see him on his weekends. I asked the little man if he was ok and why he didn't want to go to dads that night. He said "the other kids are there and don't want to go." He's three so I thought ok extra time for me on the weekend! Selfish I know but I'll take all the time I can.

Yesterday I thought I'd do the right thing and ask the ex what happened in the car so we could work on it together. Why oh why did I do that as I received an essay back saying everything I was doing wrong. I will give you a highlight from each paragraph.

 

• My farewell is a song and dance and clingy with hugs and kisses whilst his is quick and clean.
• Apparently it has happened before (never mentioned to me) and he didn't want to deal with it again. I give to many kisses which makes him not want to leave me as I'll be utterly miserable without him.
• Rare for me say goodbye once and then move away, apparently I hover and wave to the little man.
• The little man is always happy to see me at pick ups and not in tears (why this is my fault not sure).
• The ex has trouble engaging the little man in conversation, thinks his sullen & withdrawn. Ignores his new wife and the other five kids, again how is this my fault?
• I need to curtail my farewells reigning in my goodbyes so that the little man's head is in the "right" space and to enforce how good a time he'll have at his dads!
• Not allowed to empty the letterbox on the exes time as gives mixed messages to the little man??? A simple goodbye at the door and no hover in the future.
• Improve his self confidence so he doesn't cling to legs when he goes to school (two years away), and that separation is not a bad thing.
• The ex has an intolerance to his bad manners because he says 'I want' instead of 'may I please'.
• Appreciate my consideration on these points.

 

Why oh why did I ask the question???? I'd like to say that my little man is quite fine saying goodbye to me at daycare & kinder as well as any other time I might leave him. His manners are bloody good for a three year old and I'm sorry a mother is allowed to hug and kiss her child at goodbye and I don't hover at all I just show affection to my son. Yes I miss him when he's not with me and I tell him this occasionally, he now says 'I miss you mum'. I don't believe this is bad or detrimental to his development or impacts on him wanting to go to his dads house. As for ignoring your wife and kids who can blame him when there are five other kids there and by the sounds of it he is left to his own devices most of the time or dragged to their sporting events.

 

I could rant all night but won't. We went out for dinner tonight to Pinocchio's pizza and they had drawings around the restaurant. I hope my exes lies make his nose grow and to stop blaming me because he can't relate/deal with his son whilst in his care.

 

Chalking!

On a beautiful Melbourne Sunday morning we went outside to play with the neighbours two girls scootering, riding, fixing items and then getting the chalk out.  

We were instructed to draw sharks/fish/a mix of the two to represent members of the family.  I first drew my little man and then he wanted a Grandpa and Nanna shark to go next to him.  My neighbour asked him who else was missing from his family and he looked at her blankly, to which I replied "pooh bear."  I received a scowl from my neighbour as I am guessing I should have said myself but hey if my child doesn't want me to draw me then I am not going to suggest it; I'm just grateful he didn't say his dad and his half siblings!!  Naughty thought I know .......

Below are a couple of images of my attempts at drawing his family, sans pooh bear.

Coop is the blue one, grandpa is the green one and nanna is the pink one!

Puddle jumping

How I wish I could be as carefree as my child is.  Even though there seems to be more restrictions and less playing outside by themselves they do have moments of being carefree and having fun.  I know why I didn't jump in the puddle as I didn't want to get dirty but really is that a good enough reason to not jump?

We were are the park at the end of our street a few weeks back, I just found the photos on my phone, and there was a puddle which my little man couldn't not jump into a multitude of times and his boots were saturated but he had lots of fun doing it!

I'm getting a little bit excited......

Do you want to know why I'm getting a little bit excited???  Things might finally be turning in a positive direction for me on the work front!  If I haven't mentioned it before I will give you a quick synopses of my current role:

• Job share two days a week - I only perform one task of the job description
• Micro manager - she does everyone's head in and is more concerned about finding fault (and if not there makes it up) than doing her role
• No room for promotion - dead end position and wasting my skill base on the internet most of the day
• Staff morale low - this is due to the manager and so far two staff members have resigned in two weeks and hoping I might be the third!

If I get the new position it is for a multinational company, very well known brand, and there will be no wasting of my skills and fingers crossed I learn some new ones as well.  There is room for promotion which is great and always makes you strive a little harder I believe.  I will be job sharing with a friend of mine who I have never worked along side before but we met years ago in the travel industry when I was a BDM and she was working at a travel agency.  We hit if off the minute we met and have never looked back!  We have the same sense of humour, work ethic and values.  Plus are boys are only 6 weeks apart.  It will be a five day fortnight so need to look at care for the little man but will cross that bridge when or if I get the position.  Less money but I don't care as the environment has to be better than where I am now.

Where I used to work as a BDM

I can't wipe the smile from my face as I am just a LITTLE bit EXCITED that something may go right for me after a few years of struggling through the changes I have encountered.

Ahh the joy that is spreading through my veins is giving me such a high it is ridiculous as I don't know the outcome of our proposal but by all accounts it is sounding extremely good.

Keep your fingers crossed for me and I will keep you all informed - not that there are many of you out there but hey I can live in hope!!

Easter project

Since having my little man my craft side seems to have blossomed, well not really but it has come out of hiding and I am willing to give things a go!  Browsing the internet the other day I came across a picture and I thought "I can do that!"  So off to Bunnings we went.

My little man loves this shop and every time we are there he has to touch all of the mowers.  As he goes along the aisle he tells me a little something about each one; the colour, how it starts and what things do.

After meeting his requirements I said it is now time to get what I came for.  I purchased two terracotta pots and a tine of blackboard paint.

Now it was time to go home and get painting.  Two coats later they looked like this.

Last night was decorating time and this is where I am not an artist at all.  I have a go and that is all that counts and hopefully Coop will like it, he gets to do the other one for a friend of his.

Hope you all enjoy your Easter and if you decide to give this idea a go show me your finished products as they will be better than mine!

Life ain't grand at present

Not really sure what is happening with me at the moment but feel like the walls are crashing down around me. I really just want to lie in bed and cry a river of tears and hope it all gets better! Not sure that would work long term but short term I'm sure it would as it is a female thing! I really want to start afresh in a new town or state and see if I can get my life on a better keel and see if that helps me get over this hump in my life at the moment. I know it wouldn't be easy but hey the life I'm living now isn't easy either so can't be any worse of in theory...... I feel that some of my long term friends have 'dumped' me due to my status as I never get invited out or even to someone's house for a coffee. If I don't contact them they certainly aren't knocking my door down to see me. It's funny in a weird way as my ex said this would happened after having the little man and I responded by saying that why would it since they've all had kids before me and were still friends. Guess now he was kinda right, as it was always me going to see them and organising movie/dinner/catch ups and now that I haven't in recent times my life is decidedly empty. It's quite said that after 20 odd years in some instances this so called friendships has ripped at the seems and no longer a tangible entity in my life. I guess I never meant as much to them as they did to me. Today I found one friend has 'defriended' me on Facebook. Talk about a kick in the guts that I wasn't expecting. Nice to know she can so clearly cut me out of her life without even a thank you for all the good times or a goodbye. I am starting to realise that maybe they weren't friends in the first place or we just needed each other for whatever reason. The friendship pool is diminishing and it hurts that they can just walk away without a backward glance. That river of tears has started but need to get it under control as nearly time to cook the little mans dinner and he doesn't need to see his mum in this state. I hope the next corner I come to is brightly filled with love, joy, flowers and everything that makes me happy as I think I deserve it.

Finally opened a Christmas present

The other day I decided I really should open the present that the little man received from his cousins in WA. As we live in a smallish two bedroom unit therefore space is not high on the list of positives about this place. It was fine before a beautiful now three year old came into my life, now it is over run with his dump trucks, bikes and copious toys in general. Anyhoo thought it was time to pull out the indoor pirate tent. Upon realising how easy it is to assemble or pack away I should have opened it long before March! He played in it the first couple of days and even wanted to sleep in there but hasn't really touched it since; mind you it is up next to the tv so forefront in his eye sight. Might be time to put it away I think as my motto is if not used put it away. Next thing I really want to 'put away' is his train table as I could then set up his bedroom to resemble a bedroom and maybe even attempt a theme.

 

 

Two people I miss the most

There are two people in my life that I miss the most at the moment. They are my brother and my best friend Babe.

My brother lives in Perth and there are times I miss him desperately and need his shoulder to cry on and for his reassuring words. He sees things from a different point of view to me, which I need at times. As much as we had our differences growing up, as soon as he moved out things took a change for the better, and as we have gotten older even better. I wish at times so much that he and his gorgeous family didn't live so far away as I miss them all terribly and would have loved for the little man to have grown up with his only cousins. I talk about/refer to them all the time and the other day he said his three cousins were his brothers and best friends. Talk about making my heart swell and break at the same time. I need my brother more than I'll Iever admit to him at this time in my life. Mind you he has done more than any sister could ever ask for, as well as his family, and for that I will be forever indebted to them and only hope my munchkin will realise how important his family is in the future.

The second person is Babe. I met her at university and we clicked when we did our industrial year and have never looked backed! We lived together for two years and everybody said we would not be friends at the end, well 17 years later we are still as close as ever; even though she lives in Singapore and I'm a tight arse with my phone. I asked her and her husband to be guardians for my little man in my will and I would do anything to have her back in Melbourne where I could go to her house and drink copious amounts of wine and cry my heart out to her. Again, I miss you Babe more than I can put into words.

It's hard having two people I want to see on a regular basis so far from me as they know me the best, the good and the bad!

Why did I react like that?

I have had a tough 15 hours as my behaviour last night at change over is haunting me. Why did I react the way I did? I did something similar about 12 months ago so maybe it is a yearly build up in me that then snaps. I feel like an elastic band been pulled to its extreme stretch and them BAM it snaps. I feel the worst for my little man as he saw me so upset and he was screaming in his dads car not knowing what was going on. Will he remember this and hate me for it in years to come? I hope not as I I never want to hurt or scar him with the difficulties that his parents have with each other. I'm crying as I type this and so scared that his dad won't give him back to me today at the court ordered time. I'm not proud at all of my behaviour and can't fathom why I reacted the way I did but all I know is that I want my gorgeous boy back this afternoon so I can apologise to him and give him the biggest cuddle and kiss. I'm not having a good time at the moment for some reason; maybe it is from shouldering too much stuff or maybe it's just my time to be tested again. Either way I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do it this time, but I know I will for my little man.

 

I hate Thursday when I should heart them

The reason I hate Thursday when I should heart them, is because my little man comes home in the morning from a night at his dads. I have no idea what occurs down there but my little man comes home a whingey, whiney, abusive and tired boy. It has broken my heart every week for the last two years nearly as the pattern hasn't altered. I should heart Thursday's as it is one of the only two full days I have with the little man this year. One day in care, one day with his grandparents, two lunchtime kinder days and nearly a day with his dad. I try to overcome this pattern but it never works no matter what I suggest we do or event I organise the situation is still the same. 

Today we went to an indoor play centre and when I said it was time to go the tears and tantrum started. Lordly in public and a carry on that could have warranted an Oscar! 

After a quick lunch I put him to bed and this is when I love him most on a Thursday.

After waking up as my 'normal' little man we played emergency fires in his room as well as him fixing his train table.

I love him so much but Thursday's certainly test my patience with him!